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emotional masochist

28 October 1978
Susanna: How the hell am I suppose to recover when I don’t even understand my disease?

Valerie: But you do understand it. You spoke very clearly about it a second ago. But I think what you’ve got to do is put it down, put it away, put it in your notebook. But get it out of yourself. Away, so you can’t crawl up with it anymore.

--Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted

If you would have the message of the Gods to direct your life, look for that which repeats, again and again; for this is the message given you by the Gods, the karmic lesson you must learn for this incarnation. It comes again and again until you have made it part of your soul and enduring spirit.

--Marion Zimmer Bradley, The Mists of Avalon

Every whisper / Of every waking hour I'm / Choosing my confessions

--R.E.M., "Losing my Religion"

you are what you do in order to
prevent becoming what you're busy not doing
and if you do do it truly

and you arive at it newly
then in the end you are absolved
and the problem of heaven is solved

--Ani Difranco, "Hat Shaped Hat"

I found Jesus once. He was on a street corner, and asked me for a light. Obliging, I said, "Hey, aren't you that Jesus guy?"

"That's me." He shrugged as if to say yeah, so, no big deal.

"I've heard a lot about You."

He raked his hair back from his eyes and looked at me with skepticism. Instead of responding, he took a long, deliberate drag on his cigarette. The smoke drifted lazily as I stared at him curiously. It's not every day you meet the Son of God on a street corner.

"I suppose you have." The tone of his voice was bitter. He frowned slightly and puffed on his cigarette.

I opened my mouth to say something noncommittal, but the words just started pouring out. "Here's the thing I don't get. We've all heard 'Turn the other cheek' and 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone' and 'Judge not lest ye be judged' and, you know, that's all well and good. I can get behind that. But it seems, though, that Your most ardent followers are the ones who have forgetten your lessons. They would judge me for being who I am, eager to call me 'pot' even as black soot darkens their own hands. They want to tell me how I must love, how I must worship, even going so far as to tell me how I must dress and behave. 'Find Jesus!' they say. 'Know Jesus! He is your only salvation!' They seem like they're a little lost in the semantics, and forget who You really are."

Jesus nodded sagely, but didn't say anything.

"I mean, You seem like a nice guy. That whole 'love your neighbor as your brother,' that's good stuff. But I've got to be honest, man, I really don't like most of your followers."

Slowly he said, "Yeah, I don't like it much, either."

We stood there for a few more seconds, Jesus smoking calmly all the while. I turned over in my mind what he had just said to me. He flicked his cigarette butt away, then turned and said to me, "See you around." I nodded to him, and watched him walk leisurely down the street.

And that's how I found Jesus.

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All icons are original works unless otherwise noted; with source materials being © their original authors. If you like one, feel free to use it, but please attribute me in the userpic comments. Unless it's a picture of me. That's just creepy, dude.

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